How much more black could this be?

It's so fun to quote from movies you've never seen. But if the phrase fits....

Tolerance is at an all-time low. So incredibly blue. I know, logically, I should blame the hormones. But it feels so REAL. And what if it is real? What if it's what I really feel, just intensified?

I need to talk more, but have no time. Later, later...

Wow

I just ate half a cinnamon raisin bagel with peanut butter. Yes, my life is THAT exciting.

People are strange

... when you're a stranger...

Don't know where that came from.

I'm in such a weird mood this week. Maybe I just need to get laid. Who knows?

Work is work, life is life. And so it goes. Deep. Meaningful. No.

I feel empty, empty, empty. Lunch with him today. Feel like cancelling. I can't sustain a conversation and he's happy not talking to me. I guess he expends all his energy on his online friends, leaving little for me. Just a diversion to fill a few minutes until he can get back online and play. And he wonders why I hate that evil game. I wish he'd go away, because that would mean I don't have to, and it's always better when we're apart for a bit.

Why are all my friends far away? Is it planned that way? So I can have friends, but not actually have to interact? I suspect that plays a role. Although I'm jealous of others with full social lives. I have no social life at all. None. I used to. When things were fresh, we used to go out and do things. We saw other people. Now there's nobody. He's happy that way, he gets to socialize all day at work. I have nothing and he never takes me into account. I guess I'm free to go and do my own thing, but maybe he doesn't think that I'd like to include him. I need to break this thing.

New day, new stuff

I try so hard to be indifferent, but it rarely works. I hate being so NEEDY. I hate that he makes me feel that way. I wish he would want me back.

Ah well. At least it keeps things interesting. If he was fawning and lovestruck, I wouldn't want him. *lightbulb* Maybe that's why he doesn't want me!

I am a receptacle for the world's secrets and problems. They all think I'm bottomless and love it because I don't tell. I wish they wouldn't share with me. Mostly I don't want to know. Mostly I don't care. There are a few, very few, who have a place in my heart that is theirs forever. The rest ... who cares?

Blech

Oh how I wish I had the willpower to be anorexic. Well, not anorexic, exactly, but, you know.... thinner. I wish I could eat less. I wish my hand didn't automatically reach for the pantry/fridge door every time I walk past. Maybe I should just stop walking past.... seems simple enough, huh?

Skinnier, tighter, younger. Sounds like a Daft Punk song. Wait, that's Harder Faster Stronger... or something. I guess they're both things we strive for. Right now I'm just striving to make it to 5. The clock is slo-o-o-o-o-w...

Home to work out. And shower. Eat cereal, maybe. Watch him play on the computer with his "friends". Again. Make lists, organize lives, spend money I don' t have on things I don't need but want. Or on things I don't want, but need.

*sigh*